SO this one is called: Tired of the struggle...

....or why I've started the 30 Day Shred. ;)

So, I've started this topic 100 times in the last couple months... and the drafts just keep piling up in my little corner of bloggy world. Partly because I've been at a loss as to what to say, how to say it... And partly because I've had even less time than usual to breathe, much less blog. I mean, tell me if you think otherwise, but life just seems TOUGH right now! I have friends everywhere who are going through hard times.... friends with moms/dads that have cancer... friends whose child has been diagnosed with autism.... friends who have lost their jobs or their spouse has lost their job.... friends dealing with depression.... friends struggling to deal with mommyhood....

And those are just my friends in real life! I'm reading similar stories from online friends, from the blogs I read.... like this one on Ashley's Closet.... and reading comments of people who can relate.... One reader even had this comment, which I just love:

"When God closes a door he opens a window...but it's hell in the hallway."

I have friends - like me! - who are really, really struggling with the juggling act that is being a working mommy. To the point, that something's gotta give. I can't say much about work, except that it's been beyond stressful - to levels I've never seen before. It's affecting my family, my health.... And it's leading me to think alot about what I can affect, what I can change. Because I'd rather spend my time caring for and helping my friends with these much more important life struggles! I'm not sure what it entails yet - maybe a small change that would have a big impact?

But there are a few things keeping me going....

~I keep having relevant conversations with good friends IRL... esp other working mommy friends like Sasha (my personal therapist, sometimes! my personal trainer, apparently, who got me started on c25k and the shred!)... She's such a good cheerleader and knows alot about the stresses I'm under..... Then there's my friend Julie, my current mom-spiration.... I think I've mentioned her before - she works 60 hour wks and has 2 kids (just like me!) But she must have gotten to that breaking point, too, and now, on top of everything, she's going back to school to become a nurse! WOW! We laughed about how we both have been working 12 hr days anyway... being a nurse is tough (my longest, dearest friend is the best!), but at least she's thinking 3 12-hour days a week (instead of 5 and occasional Saturdays!)

~And then I drop in on moms of all kinds, who blog about their struggles and I realize I'm not alone. Ahhh, that really does help, you know?

~And Mr. Fix-It.... i.e. Mr. Wonderful..... a few weeks ago, on a particularly crappy Monday..... I came home to a Starbucks giftcard (that man is genius!) and these:

....orange gerber daisies. He's the best. He understands that a grande iced sugar-free vanilla latte can make my entire day better. Or at least until it's gone. ;) He has been my rock.... He's kept the kids while I've worked all hours of the night. And he makes it fun for them - whether it's Wacky Pack night at Sonic, or shoulder rides, or even playing with dolls! He kept the kids most of the weekend my friend Amy was in town, so I could have some girl time and recharge from all this work nonsense! He entertained them last weekend while I hosted the Pink & Orange Baby Shower at our house - and he even helped me prep for the shower! And this weekend.... while I'm likely working on Sat... he'll have the kids again. He deserves a medal. Or an iphone. Or something! But instead - he has traded in his truck so that I could get a new vehicle! What?! The man's generosity tears me up....

~The 30 day Shred. It's killer! But it was great when I was on hiatus with that bum toe. ;) And I had been meaning to jump on the Shred bandwagon.... ever since Sasha first started talking about it You see, I have plenty of motivation, ALOT to look forward to this summer... but when I envision all these fun things, I picture a skinnier, more toned me... not this person who has been working 60+ hour work weeks and eating entire bags of Smartfood popcorn. ;) And I had been doing fairly well... even worked up to jogging 3 miles at a time! 3 times a week.... But then, the toe injury. ;) I can see a difference, as far as toning goes! And I intend to add jogging back in and I think that the 2 of them could have me feeling great! Maybe after swimming lessons are over....
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Speaking of.... swimming lessons have been the face of my working mommy stress in general. Meaning, that my 3 1/2 yr old child is just in her first swimming lessons EVER in her life. Which is unheard of in TX suburbs. She's a good year older than anyone in her class - but the next class up is only for kiddos who have had lessons before. I spent all of last summer stressing about not having the time to take her to lessons, while I was working late hours (oh, and being 9 months pregnant!) So, as swimming lessons represented ALL that I miss - all that my kids miss out on with 2 working parents - they are almost a sad subject to me. And now, Big Sis has to watch the girl her age (with the Ariel swimsuit, who Big Sis went made friends with in 4 seconds, while waiting for lessons to start!)... because she's in the next class up, on the other side of the pool....


Which is why I'm now taking applicants for a fill-in mommy.... who could do a better job with extra-curriculars than i am! ;)

So, thanks for listening to my therapy here.. ;) And don't give up on me yet - I know my blogging has been sporadic.... I promise to have semi-homemade greatness for you soon! In fact, G-man's Pirate Birthday Bash is just 10 days away! Ahoy!!