The ONE WORD that's keeping me up at night -- Part 1

And it's not NEWBORN.  Or CRYING.  Or REFLUX or COLIC.  Nope, I'd give anything if it was any of those things.  It's CANCER.  Such a poisonous word.  A sad word.  A devastating word.  And a super scary word that can turn your world upside down in an instant. 

My mom is a 24 year cancer survivor.  Which is completely amazing (considering the advancements in cancer treatment we have now and the increased survival rate they've given us).  She was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 10 yrs old.  My youngest sibling was 4.  My mom was a young 36 years old. 

But she beat it, and over the years I've taken such pride in that.  My mom is a fighter.  But now it's back.  24 years later and it's back.  It all started less than 2 months ago....

On March 30 (a Wednesday I'll never forget), my sister called me at work.  Don't panic.. but Dad took Mom to the ER because she's had shortness of breath... and they just drained 2 liters of fluid from in/around her lungs.  Okay, I was 9 months pregnant... I'll let you guess if I was able to refrain from panicking.  My parents are the type to avoid the doctor at all costs unless there's a visibly broken bone or someone isn't breathing.  So, the ER?  Serious stuff.

However, I was having issues of my own.  The baby had suddenly stopped moving.  I had tried drinking tons of fluid, I had tried sugar and caffeine, anything to get that baby moving.  But I wasn't feeling anything but miserable.  A trip to my OB showed I was having contractions every 3-4 minutes and was in preterm labor (the contractions were keeping her from having any room to move - that's why I couldn't feel movement!)  I headed home for strict bedrest until a Monday appt - leaving me with nothing but time.. time to put the focus back on my mom.

Mom insisted she was fine and that they were testing the fluid and we wouldn't know anything more until the results came back.  My longtime friend (we've known each other since we were 11 and call each other our "forever friend"), a nurse at my hometown hospital, assured me that it was most likely pnemonia and not to worry. 

But I'll never again be able to enjoy April Fools Day.  April 1 was a Friday, but mom's doctor promised to call if her results came in over the weekend.  I had barely gotten the kids in bed when I got the call from her Fri night.  Cancer.  But not just breast cancer.  It was back, but this time it was IN HER LUNGS.  Mom was so strong while she gave me the news... told me they'd be running tests in the next wk or so and let's not get too upset until we know more.  I tried to keep it together while I was on the phone with her, but I doubt I did very well.  And once off the phone... I literally collapsed and have never heard sobs like that out of anyone.  Ever.

I've since learned that Diagnosis is the hardest part of the cancer journey.  Not just for the patient - but also for their family and friends.  It's shocking.  It's scary.  (And when you're 9 months pregnant, and a hormonal mess.. it's even more intense.)  It was another 11 days before we got the full picture of what we were dealing with.  During that time, there were scans and tests and more scans.  I didn't function.  Friends fed my family often... and when they didn't, there were dinners of cereal or takeout.  I tried to hide it from the kids and be strong, but I often failed.  Sissy caught me crying a few times, and I explained it away, unsure of what or how I'd tell her.

The good news:  the cancer is confined to the one place, and all her other scans came back clear.  The bad news:  it's cancer and it's in her lungs.  The fight would need to  be immediate and aggressive.  Chemo - 6 rounds, 1 every 3 weeks. 

So, April 18th came, and mr. fix-it's amazing mom came to town for the birth of #3.  My mom met with her oncologist, sooo very far away from me and my big belly.  And on April 19th, our dear, sweet baby was welcomed into this world by me, mr. fix-it and my mom.in.law.  It was special.  But the pain of not having my mom there was so deep.  She was here for the birth of our other 2 kids.  And we had planned that she would stay that week - with the big kids at night and with me during the day.  But cancer has a way of derailing your plans.

So, on that spring Tuesday, I was in Texas, having a baby.  Mom was in OK, getting a port in her chest for chemo. 

Wednesday, I was in the hospital.  At times all alone with my newborn, instead of hanging out with my mom.  She was in OK, shopping for wigs with my sister.  They texted me pictures, asked my opinion. 

Thursday was more of the same for me - hospital food, visits with my mom.in.law, precious visits from friends.  My mom started chemo.  And I wasn't there for her, couldn't be there for her.  I wanted to cry, over and over... not fair, not fair, not fair..... 

Not being able to be there for her for that scary time after diagnosis and the first treatment broke my heart.  Much as it did that she didn't get to meet the baby until I was cleared to travel... for Mother's day.

And here's my sweet momma... with her new look (because her hair fell out the first week of treatment... the bottom picture is from my baby shower in March, where she's sporting her 'old look').... that top picture was taken on mother's day... holding her newest granddaughter.  My mom... th every person who taught ME how to be a mom... how to live semi-homemade... how to be crafty, and cook, and entertain, but to be quick and move on to the next thing... My mom, the fighter.

If you read all this, thanks.  I honestly wrote it almost as my own therapy.  I'll try to wrap up my thoughts in Part 2... and thanks to everyone who has shared prayers and good thoughts with me in the last few months.

School's Out for SUMMER!

And look how big the kids have gotten!  As we speak, I'm packing them for Camp Magaw & Papa... that's southern speak for grandparent camp!  ;)  They'll be gone for 9 whole days and it'll just be me, mr. fix-it and the baby!  Maybe I can finish any of the 5 semi-homemade projects I'm working on.  Fingers crossed!

C25K - the Revivial!

Let's cut to the chase.  It's summer and I'm tired of being chubby.  Sugar will be 6wks old (already! sniff, sniff) on Tuesday and I need to fit into my REAL clothes.  Pronto.  Here's a pic of me with the whole family last night at Sissy's kindergarten graduation (which was such a super special night, btw... filled with all the memories of these kiddos - and their parents - that I've come to know and love in the last 3 years!)

I'm tired of hearing... oh, you'll breastfeed those pounds right off. Or ... you'll lose 'em when your body is ready. I don't buy into either! When I had Sissy, I was horrified to learn that it was possible to exclusively breastfeed your baby (for 9 months!) and STILL not be able to lose the weight. I didn't lose the last 10 lbs until after she turned 1. With Gman, it was easier. I can already tell this time is going to be alot like it was in round 1. In my (not.so.professional) opinion, it's because with both girls, I gained weight in places other than my belly. With Gman, it was almost all belly weight.


So... I start C25K for the 4th time. Or 5th... I've lost track. I'm going to walk for a couple wks, until I feel ready to jog. And I'm deciding which program I'm going to do to firm up and tone up - something must be done about these arms!  Until then... you'll catch me in knit dresses, maternity pants, and the one pair of capris I'm gonna buy in whatever-this-size-is.
Have a super fun and safe Memorial Day weekend!
xoxo,

My own little piece of heaven

Sigh.  :)

More amazing work by Kristie.   So thankful to have her to capture all these precious memories. 

2-4-6-8, who do we appreciate? TEACHERS!

Well, this momma has been a little busy (I had forgotten how all encompassing nursing a newborn is!  Add in 2 big kids and it's a miracle I'm showering these days!)... so these Teacher Appreciation gifts were a week late!  But school is still in session... the teachers are still there... so I figure we're all good (esp since they all have met the baby so they're aware of my new pasttime!)

I love all the Thanks aLATTE gifts out there, but I'm unsure if my kiddos' teachers are Starbucks people (gasp, right?)  ;)  But who doesn't love some Sonic Happy Hour?  This is a super quick gift idea, but still fun and summery, and the teachers loved them!

For each gift, you need:

a plastic cup

candy (I used a Hershey's bar and a bag of MnM's)

shredded paper or something to put in the bottom of the cups (I had some leftover from Easter!)

giftcard to somewhere fun & summery

tulle (duh!)

cardstock

Just add the filler to the bottom of the cup... throw in some candy and a gift card... and tie some tulle around the top of the cup.  I whipped up the tags in photoshop and taped them to the cups.

Here are the tags!

Much thanks to all you teachers out there!  Time to get back to the couch with a certain newborn and a burpie... ;)

April 19, 2011

It was a beautiful day in Texas.... the 16th anniversary of the OKC Bombing (both me and mr. fix-it are from OK and April 19th is one of those "I know where I was" days)...  2 weeks before she was due... the day we met the Tiebreaker.   (Yea for making a comeback to blogging - I promise I have lots to talk about besides the newest addition, but... while I sit with her on the couch - she's sleeping and smiling those newborn smiles in her sleep! - I just want to catch y'all up and share some pics!)

mr. fix-it snapped this picture of me right before we left for the hospital for my 3rd csection. 

We did so many things differently this time.  We didn't find out the gender (we had with the big kids). 

And we picked a name before the birth day.  That was huge for us!  I still haven't decided what we'll call her on the blog (I'm throwing around a few ideas... like Punkin, which is sooo cute when her brother calls her that... or Sugar, which is what I call her.  TBD!) 

But I will share with you what the Tiebreaker's name would have been... if she would have been a he.  Max Edmund.  We went with family names (another first!) for both the boy and girl middle name choices. 

Here I am, with the hats I had made (from Etsy seller Brownies N Butterflies) for either occasion!

When my dear doctor called out, "It's a GIRL!" I just couldn't believe it!  I hadn't been able to feel one way or another the entire pregnancy... but even on the day she was born, her heartrate was around 110... and both Sissy and Gman had gone by the unofficial rule that girls had higher heartrates (Sissy's was usually in the 170s), boys lower (Gman's was usually around 120-140).

An even bigger shock... her size! She was significantly my SMALLEST baby, weighing in at only 6lbs, 10 oz. And at 18 1/2 inches, she was a good 2 inches shorter than her (consistently 90-100%tile) siblings.

As soon as Daddy shaded her eyes in the OR... she opened them!

It's amazing how all 3 trips to the OR were so special in their own ways - and completely different!  Waiting to find out the gender was SO INTENSE.  I was a complete bundle of nerves that morning, more than ever!  Waiting to hear.... is the most special surprise, like every Christmas rolled into one.  Amazing!

My first chance to hold her....

And the big kids come to meet her!  (That's mr. fix-it's mom, holding Gman.  What a lifesaver she was!)

You can see just how excited Sissy was.  No one had told her if it was a brother or sister until she walked in that room.  She was in love, instantly!

And she's so good with her... holds her so carefully.  This was the first time...

And then... on Good Friday... we got to come home.  And we tried - for the first time - to get a picture of all 5 of us.  Note that there's only FOUR people in this picture.  Someone wasn't cooperating.

So daddy tried to hold him.  Still not working.

He wanted mommy.  So he's holding my hand.  But only time (lotsa time!) will erase the look on a child's face after they've had a complete meltdown.  So.. this is what we got.  It's not the perfect picture I was hoping for... but it's real. ;)

And these days... look fairly similar to this first full day home.  Two sisters... relaxing and enjoying life.  And each other.  :)

Sugar

Sugar.  At least that's what I call her.  :)  G-man calls her Punkin.  And Sissy holds her every chance she gets.

I am sooo excited to say that I'm on the mend from my 3rd c-section (I STILL can't believe I'm momma to 3 sometimes!), and I'm ready to decorate!  So stay tuned as I tackle all 3 kiddos' bedrooms (Finally, right?) as well as take on the rest of the house.  I'll also fill you in on what's keeping me up at night (and it's not the newborn!)

WOO HOO to decorating and blogging!

xoxo,

And the tie goes to........

So sorry to keep y'all waiting!  (Thanks for the comments and emails, checking on me!)  It's just chaos when you have a baby (and family in town to help, and 2 big kids!)  :)  So, last Tues, our little Tiebreaker was born.  And the tie goes to.......

PINK!!

Here she is yesterday, 1 week old, showing off her dimple!... in a cute outfit from her most frequent visitor (my brother's girlfriend!) and on a blanket that one of my dearest friends made.  So sweet!

I'll be back soon with TONS of info about her birth day, how Sissy and Gman are coping, (how I am coping!), what we should call her on the blog, etc.  I promise!  But right now, I have THE best mom.in.law in town to help and I'm spending my time sleeping and visiting with her - more computer time next wk!

xoxo,

Texas Bluebonnets

Wow.... by this time tomorrow, my belly won't be *quite* this big - I'll have traded it in for some sweet, squishy newborn goodness.  By this time tomorrow.  WOW.

My amazing mom.in.law is about an hour away, as we speak.  (She even called to see if she could pick me up a little Sonic happy hour - she's the best!)  And all that's left to do is some laundry and repack that hospital bag.  (We had a rough night last Thurs, in which a chaotic hospital bag was assembled - time to make sure I don't - gasp! - get to the hospital without my favorite mascara or something!)

So in the meantime, a peek into Spring in Texas with my fav... Bluebonnets!

Big Sis and the Big.brother.to.be!!

Can you tell that she loves the camera? ;)

My friend Tracy, mom of MULTIPLE boys, noticed the truck in G-man's hand right away.  See, after 2 years of 'bluebonnets & boo hoos!' we finally learned.  Entertainment is key. 

In fact, take a quick trip down memory lane with me... Here's 2010.  Sissy did pretty well, G-man wanted to be held.

And in 2009?  Yeah... we got lots of pics that looked like this.  NOT funny at the time, but hilarious now!  (And I can't believe how much they've both grown up!  Sniff, sniff!)

Hope that wherever YOU are, Spring has found you!  Wishing you lots of sunshine and a blessed holy week!

xoxo,

Life's a Beach

I'm about to head to my last dr. appt before we meet our last new baby... but just wanted to share this totally cool giveaway with y'all first.  You win the entire.party.  Everything you see here (talk about the ultimate in semi-homemade entertaining)!  It's unbelievable!  Go here to enter (and if you win, I want to be invited to your fab beachy party!)

More from me later today before I'm off to the hospital tomorrow!
xoxo,